Spring has sprung and the weather is getting warmer! It’s time to invite your friends over to help you throw a chaise lounge off of your balcony because even though you were going to use it in a sketch you are now terrified that it has bed bugs and you want it GONE so you can enjoy your balcony again.
The night before classes began for my second semester of college, I was up until 9am drinking in the dorms. My friend Emily and I actually did a shot of gin as we were leaving for the first day of a Media & Telecommunications class. We tried our hardest to appear awake and sober. When class was finally over, both of us looked at the “notes” we had taken. Emily’s page was blank. I, on the other hand, had drawn a single circle on mine. Just one.
Also, neither of us could remember the name of the class.
I went for a run. I was about a mile and a half from home when out of nowhere, I super had to shit. This isn’t the most uncommon thing to happen me, but it is the farthest I’ve ever been from a toilet on a run (I take EXTRA care when planning runs in case of an emergency like this)
And emergency is was. I had to pretty much waddle about a half mile uphill through Los Feliz to get to the nearest public restroom…in Griffith Park. There were no stall doors and I’m almost POSITIVE the guy next to me was not taking a shit but waiting for someone to come in and jerk off on him.
I took a look in the owner’s manual and strangely enough, they are actually called “hazard” lights, not “I’m a dick who thinks my time is more important than everyone else’s so I’m gonna double park and block the flow of traffic” lights as I originally assumed.
We’re in the office. Sally has traded in her previous blue power blazer for a salmon-colored one. She is also looking much more casual than in the past few strips, with the blazer unbuttoned and sleeves rolled up in a way that says “I’ve got some dirty work to take care of…”
Say that despite the fact that you don’t even know this person, in one brief exchange their unabashed indecency sent you into a mindfuck because not only are you disappointed that people like this exist in the world, but you also have a tendency to become emotionally crippled any time you stumble upon the horrifying realization that there are people out there who dislike you and there is nothing you can do about it.
Here’s something you can try.
If you’re lucky, they may have appeared in a horror film.
And that horror film may be available on Netflix Instant.