Who is keeping up with Dexter? Isn’t it GLARINGLY OBVIOUS that the older guy is a figment of the younger guys imagination and that their relationship is meant to mirror Dexter’s relationship with his dead father? That’s not going to turn out to be some surprise revelation is it? (Being as vague as possible here to avoid spoiling anything)
To the motorists who think it’s cool to try to scare me while I’m biking by getting super close and yelling at me…
I watch Parking Wars.
I know their tricks on how to quickly memorize a car’s model and licence plate number.
One of these days, when you piss me off, I’m going to purposely crash into a parked car, then sue the shit out of you.
Then I’m gonna delete this post so the courts can’t use it against me.
AND WHILE I’M ON THE SUBJECT…
Hey fellow bikers… Fucking put on a helmet and follow the laws of traffic. Motorists wouldn’t HATE us so much if you’d stop swerving in and out and thinking that you are owed any more courtesy than a car simply because you are less protected. You have chosen to ride your bike on a city street, so fucking have a brain about it. Yup. You shouldn’t be on the sidewalk. Yup. You are safe on the street. But you know what would REALLY make you safer on the street? Wearing a helmet, stopping at stop signs, and SIGNALING.
You’re not supposed to use Q-Tips in your ear, right?
You know that?
Because I am often shocked when people I know well - people who I respect as human beings and have the proper brain capacity for someone their age - look at me like I’m a a disgusting idiot when I say I don’t use Q-Tips.
NO DOCTOR WILL TELL YOU TO CLEAN OUT YOUR EARS WITH A COTTON SWAB.
NO DOCTOR WILL EVEN TELL YOU TO CLEAN OUT YOUR EARS UNLESS YOU HAVE A MEDICAL CONDITION.
So unless you, I dunno, produce some sort of bizarre ear wax that turns to glass shards and must be removed constantly. You don’t do it!
And so many people (probably many of you right now) think I’m some sort of monster. You’re picturing my ear canals as toxic gunk-filled wastelands. Well, stop thinking about what’s going on inside my ears, weirdo.
Ear Wax is not like boogers in your ear. It is a self-cleaning agent and serves protective purposes as well. Keep it in. I PROMISE.
CLICK HERE to see what the American Academy of Otolaryngology has to say about ear wax. THE EAR PEOPLE. They agree.
So I really don’t care WHAT your mom says on the matter.
A couple weeks ago I hiked up to the Hollywood Sign. It was pretty.
I looked down, and arranged in rocks in a clearing below were the giant words “GO HOME TOURISTS.”
Go fuck yourself.
Maybe they didn’t have enough rocks to say “TOURISTS, I UNDERSTAND YOUR DESIRE TO GET CLOSE TO THIS INTERNATIONAL ICON, WHICH IS WHY I CHOSE TO OWN A HOME IN FRONT OF IT. I WELCOME YOU BECAUSE I AM A PERSON, AND APPRECIATE YOU COMING TO THIS CITY, SPENDING MONEY, AND PROVIDING COMMERCE TO KEEP MY PROPERTY VALUE HIGH”
I am 28 years young and just had the realization that I, Codi Elizabeth Fischer have never bought myself a pack socks. Or any socks for that matter. I don’t know how I have managed to have socks at all. A whole drawer of them in fact. A drawer of ready to be replaced type socks.
Looking for a live comedy show that combines your passions for time travel and community theatre? You found it! FIRST, the audience gives us the name of a fake play and we improvise the climactic final scene. THEN, we bend time and space to show you the same span of time from the perspective of everyone backstage! Curtains up, noises on!
Joe Wengert Suzi Barrett Anthony Gioe Betsy Sodaro Lauren Lapkus Jake Regal Marissa Strickland Steve Szlaga