We open on a wedding scene. Katherine Heigl’s best friend is marrying Josh Duhamel’s best bud. But guess what! Katherine and Josh do NOT get along, as we see while they trade barbs throughout the wedding! Obviously Kat is the maid of honor and Josh is the best man. Wait until you see the look on her face when they have to walk down the aisle together!
A few months later, Josh and Katherine each get a call. Their friends are dead. Obligatory sad moment, (this is where those of you who continue to ignore your better judgment and see these trite P.O.S. romcoms will tear up because you just weren’t expecting to be so MOVED) when Josh and Katherine discover that their friends have died. Car accident, most likely, since a plane crash would prohibit Delta from playing it on all Westbound flights next spring, and cancer can’t really kill two people simultaneously. Through their tears, Josh and Katherine put their differences aside…but not for long…because pretty soon they are called in by a lawyer to discover that…
THEY ARE GAINING CUSTODY OF THEIR FRIENDS’ BABY! Both of them? Raise a child TOGETHER?
BUT THEY HATE EACH OTHER! WHY WOULD THEIR FRIENDS DO THAT SURELY THIS IS A MISTAKE ETC ETC!!!
Gosh. Where to begin! Where do Josh and Kat go from here? First, there’s a huge argument in the lobby of the office on their way out. This is NOT going to work! Katherine is going to take the baby. “Stay away from us, we don’t need you!” she tells Josh as she pulls away in her stylish sports car people in her real life profession (either wedding photographer, local journalist or life coach) would have no way of affording.
Only…she CAN’T do it on her own! The baby throws up on her important client photo/interview notes/life coach papers and she realizes that this is just TOO MUCH for one woman to handle. She calls Josh, who shows up with that smug “I knew you’d need me attitude” that she just can’t stand. “Don’t start with me!” her eyes say as she glares at him.
Soon after, they decide to move in together. For the good of the baby. Katherine soon finds she’s responsible for TWO babies as Josh Duhamel starts doing things like walking around in his underwear while drinking milk straight from the carton (see: every bus ad in LA).Eventually, the new parents fall into a rhythm and things seem to be working…until Social Services pays them a visit, which Josh forgot to tell Katherine about! And through a series of misunderstandings that could have been prevented had they been prepared for such a visit, Social Services threatens to take away the baby!!! Furious, Katherine kicks Josh out of the house. Grow up, Josh!
END OF ACT II
Katherine gets milk for the baby from the fridge, and, in all the hustle and bustle of single-parentedness, drinks some straight from the carton. This makes her think of Josh. She really does need him! Luckily, he’s found a way to atone for his mistakes by setting up a second meeting with social services. Which goes FLAWLESSLY. In celebrating the continuing custody of their dead friends’ baby, the two share a kiss. What? COULD IT BE??? Are they…FALLING FOR EACH OTHER?!
In the end, through a letter, email, or pre-taped confessional, Josh and Katherine find out that this was their dead friends’ plan all along! They knew that the challenges and joys of parenting would bring their feuding comrades together. Katherine cries while Josh comforts her, then the baby cries. Sad moment. (idiot girls who can’t get enough Heigl in their diet will again tear up…”I wasn’t expecting it to be so sad!” they’ll say as they walk from the theatre to Yogurtland)
Of course the movie won’t end on such a somber note. We’ll flash forward to the child’s first day of school for few more parenting shenanigans. Nothing too serious, though. Time to wrap this sucker up! Something inoffensive…my guess is the kid drinking milk straight from the carton and Josh being all “that’s my boy!” Heigl rolls her eyes. Kid gets on the bus, Katherine sheds a tear and hugs Josh. Their baby is growing up!
End credits roll over a montage of photos/videos of childhood milestones. The family at a birthday party. Science fair. Christmas. Kid’s first car. Kid’s graduation. Maybe even Josh and Katherine in old-person prosthetics at the kid’s wedding…then it all comes full circle!
Going for a run for the first time since the triathlon. I took the past two weeks off to reward myself/move in to my new place/relax/eat literally dozens of Hostess snack cakes and I am very excited to get outside and do this because I want to, not because I have to for training.
I’ve also added 1/4 of a mile detour on so that I don’t have to run past UCB because I’m just weird about that.
Moved into my new place. I love living alone and I love being in Franklin Village but so far it’s mostly just depressing because the more I unpack the more I realize how much shit I still need for the new place.
I’ll just stack these DVDs here in the place where I may have a bookshelf one day.
This folding camping chair will go where the couch may go some day should I be able to afford one.
I bet I can get a cheap room divider on Craigs List…one day when I get Internet I’ll check…
This is a very, VERY small thing that happened to me today, but it pissed me off enough and now I want to bitch about it.
Somebody emailed me at work asking if we offered something. We don’t offer it. I (KINDLY AND NEEDLESSLY) referred her to another place, somewhat of a competitor of my company, that did offer what she was looking for. (Sorry to be so vague and cryptic…but this is internet and I don’t need people google searching my work and have this come up…cover your bases people).
She emails me back a day later, complaining about the other company’s website and she can’t maneuver it. Can I send her a link to what she is looking for and give her more information on what they offer?
I can only say one thing.
Grow the fuck up, lady. Be an adult. Figure it out yourself.
My job? My job pertains to the company I work for and out of the goodness of my heart and because I happen to think that what you are looking for is a good thing, I REFERRED YOU TO A COMPETITOR. I took a step away from common workplace etiquette to be a human for you. I do NOT do that often.
And now you can’t figure out someone else’s website…which by the way is RIDICULOUSLY simple to follow…and you come back to me, with expectations that I should help you more? That I OWE you this? Because I told you this place offers what you are looking for, and I told you about it, now it is my responsibility to walk you through the fucking steps? Stop thinking people owe you shit they don’t owe you.
Lady, there’s a PHONE NUMBER on their website. CALL THEM YOUR GODDAMN SELF.
Lady, there’s an EMAIL ADDRESS on their website. EMAIL THEM YOUR GODDAMN SELF.
I know this seems silly and more than a little trivial…but it’s just a perfect example of how nobody wants to be responsible for even the tiniest little things. Everyone thinks that the scales of the universe are perpetually tipped in their favor and they shouldn’t have to work as hard for something as the rest of us.
Despite turning around and going home SPECIFICALLY to grab my meal tickets, still managed to show up without them. Now I’m walking around alone looking for a place to eat my first meal of the day (because with board reports due at work work, having to go to the bike store, dropping off a rent check, laundry, packet pick up and traffic who the fuck has the time) since I don’t have a ticket to get in to the big celebration dinner with the team.
So whether I do a triathlon in the morning or drive my car off the pier right now, I’m going into the ocean at some point this weekend.
“That’s because NORMAL people do that stuff, Steve. NORMAL people with NORMAL lives and NORMAL schedules. You have none of that.”—My coworker, during one of my many panic attacks that I haven’t trained enough for this weekend.