August 2010
My mom is coming to town next week. Please don’t tell her about the triple murder three buildings over from me, okay?
When did Craig’s List go from being THE place to find an apartment (I’ve used it and had great results for five years) to the absolute worst?
It’s the same apartments getting posted every day. Half of them are scams, the rest suck. Good thing my coworker has a rodent problem and is moving out so I have someone to go halvsies on Westside Rentals with.
Also, if anybody wants to...
Season 2 of A&E's Obsessed is seriously lacking...
Last time around we had people who froze their miscarriages and wore the bloody torn clothes their dad died in. This time it’s all tappers and clean freaks. Ok, the dad who hated odd numbers and got drunk before therapy was pretty good I guess…but remember the lady who would sob uncontrollably while a steady stream of spit poured out of her mouth whenever she thought about animal...
Alrighty folks,
I met my goal of $3,200 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Not only that…I passed it by over $100.
So who wants to celebrate by getting stoned as fuck and seeing Piranha 3D on Sunday?
This is a stupid show about cancer
But THIS is a cool show about cancer!!
Tonight! Come to my charity improv benefit jam!
Everybody who comes and donates gets their name in the hat, then we draw names to randomly assign teams!
EVERYBODY GETS TO PERFORM!
Also, we’ll randomly assign the form/syle as well. So you ain’t got a shitclue what be goin’ on.
Fun starts at 7, but...
balltillifall:
I just stopped into the Starbucks on Logan Boulevard to grab a newspaper and it was hopping. How do we convince all these people that Starbucks coffee is overpriced and gross and get them to support cool local businesses like New Wave or Cafe Mustache?
Rename them so they don’t sound so pretentious.
FAQs
I keep getting asked the same questions by various people over and over, so I figured I’d address them all right here, right now.
Why don’t we ever hang out?
I’m too busy.
Too busy? You mean to say you have absolutely NO time?
Absolutely. No. Time.
What are you so busy doing?
Working a full time job, training for a triathlon, raising $3,200 for cancer, co-writing two shows,...
I swam in the ocean for the first time last weekend. Not like first time ever in the ocean, I splash in the waves with the best of them, but this was full-on, wetsuit-wearing, dive-under-the-waves, open water ocean swimming.
Minus getting up at 6am, trying to figure out what, if anything, goes under the wetsuit, and hating with a fiery passion what a tool I must look like in a swim cap and...
Hey, hundreds of cyclists taking to the streets right now, I’d appreciate if you stop cutting people off, riding in the opposite lane of traffic, and slapping my car as of making a statement that I’m the enemy for not being on a bike.
I have a bike. And I use it. But I also have a car because I’m not a fucking hippie and sometimes I have places to be.
You wanna know why I still watch Weeds?
Because it’s not Entourage.
“Get these queens out of my office.”
– IM I just sent my coworker
I need to get headshots at some point…no rush because what the fuck do I really need them for anyway, that picture Dani took five years ago for a photography project is still the best photo of me ever taken and works perfectly for any and all of my headshot needs (roughly once a month, tops), but as an entertainer I realize that this is something that should be done and therefore I am in a...
If you laugh hysterically at Talladega Nights, but don’t “get” Waiting For Guffman, kill yourself. Kill yourself dead.
My roommate and the keys
For the past year, my roommate has refused to take a key with him when he goes running. This has caused all sorts of issues. Namely, the issue of him getting super pissed at us when he gets locked out. My thought has always been “As a normal, functioning adult, I should lock the apartment when I leave if nobody is home.”
His thought as a person with the absolute minimum amount of...
Things you should know going into this.
I worked in the Hollywood office. Not the Downtown office.
I worked there two years ago.
I have never had a subscription to Heart magazine, nor do I have any clue what it is.
So….this email just came to me:
Hello Steve,
We have received some mail from HEART Magazine here at the downtown office. Please let me know what you would like me to do with...
If you want to be my best friend...
mrscottdavis:
you could bring me Chick-fil-A to UCB tonight. Seriously I would love you forever.
Some for me too please!
I guess the best way to describe the peach I am eating is to say it tastes like diet peach.
JetBlue flight attendant strikes a nerve with... →
Good. I’m glad this overdramatic queen’s spectacle of buffoonery is going to win him legions of fans and help him make more money this year than I’ll make in the next ten.
But hey, as long as overnight fame is part of the consequence as well, what’s a couple minutes of jail time?
Go away now.
Good thing LA has all these various top 40...
I just found the perfect studio apartment online. Sure, I haven’t seen it in person yet but honest to Lassie I would fuck SO MANY PEOPLE to get that place. So many people. However many people. I’d just fuck and fuck and fuck until it was mine.
I didn’t mention that in the message I left the landlord, though.
Should I call back and let them know?
Steve: Wait, when did the neighbors' house burn down?
Mom: 4th of July
Steve: What happened?
Mom: Well, they have a son who is about your age, and he's...slow.
Steve: Oh my God did he not get out in time?
Mom: .....
Steve: Oh. Slow.
christinahaberkern:
Little Shop of Horrors - ...
I ran into the most ridiculously cute girl yesterday.
At a McDonald’s.
In Toledo.
Where she was working.
Part of me wanted to run up to her and say something like what you’d hear in a movie, where stuff like this works all the time. You know, something along the lines of…
“Look, we’ve never met but we just made eye contact and I think you are adorable, and I...
“Whenever I watch Everybody Loves Raymond now, when I hear the jokes I think...”
– My mom
I was on that Facebook, and I came across my best friend from high school.
We were that typical story of two friends who lived together in college whose relationship ended in disaster. He was inconsiderate. Rude. Lazy. FILTHY. And tried to break into my room. He also got into a fist fight with my brother over what kind of beer was in the keg at MY HOUSEWARMING PARTY.
Anyway, we did acting and...
Two great things about Prop 8 being overturned:
glamsoda:
Gays and Lesbians will be allowed to marry, which they have every right to do.
Fewer sanctimonious clipboard people outside Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods.
A-FUCKING MEN TO NUMBER 2
Oh…that’s supposed to be like “Amen”…but with FUCKING in the middle of it…you know…like “un-fucking-believable.” But given the topic of discussion it...
14
The number of hours of sleep I am behind on.
and
The number of hours this train ride will take.
This is perfect.
But also gross.
Job interview today at Floriole Bakery
nevermindthebolex:
I’m very excited at the prospect of working somewhere where I won’t leave the office every day with an ulcer. The bakery is a nice place with great food and people and that’s enough for me right now. No more tv production for this guy for awhile, time to enjoy a work day, keep the bills paid, and have some extra free time to work on my own projects.
Wish me luck.
Good for...
Endless Bag of Gold: Just the same, old song →
I downloaded the Justin Bieber album, because lets face it he’s got some hits and I need something to run to. Upon closer inspection though, a couple of his songs are direct rip offs of other recent pop jams. You may be saying “But Tim, isn’t that what pop songs are, just reused melodies?” Yes,…
I would judge if I wasn’t so busy listening to Ke$ha on my own runs.
I can now say for certain that I made the right choice when I moved to LA and not New York.
Now pardon me as I go blow my brains out upon the realization that in spite of everything, I have become an LA person.
NY is great, don’t get me wrong, but damn this place is filthy.
Stop buying lottery tickets.
My friend just won $100k and really…what are the odds that two people I know would win the lottery? Your chances are shot.
